Finally, The Perfect Charity

I mean seriously. The article says he will build a public bathroom when he "has enough money to buy more beer." Totally unneccesary. I produce plenty of empty beer bottles on a regular basis! It's like a donation's match made in heaven! And if I have to increase my production of empty beer bottles to support more of these public works projects, so be it. I am *that* committed to seeing this through.
Just the idea of giving so much is making my extremities tingle, my speech slur, and my vision dim.

Brilliant!